Only his whole hearted, unending love and support for us remains.

1/26/19

It is not today I dread. There is much to do. Family and friends are close. Reaching out to offer support and lend a hand. Food is being provided, Love is being sent and many people stand ready to help. For that I am so very grateful. 

Most importantly the five of us huddle close. Safe in the cocoon of love we have for each other and the love we share for their father, my husband. We are together. Processing, sharing, consoling, laughing, trying to find distraction. Always though, we come back to each other. To share our grief, our stories, our questions. Why is he gone? 

It is the months ahead that worry me. When the feeling that he is just gone for a trip subsides. When the hope that maybe we will wake to see him at the table, drinking his water or coffee and reading on his iPad. When the realization that his knowledge, wisdom, strength, timeliness, drive, support, hugs and amazing cooking has left this realm. That day, scares me. 

On that day. When it has truly sunk in. When he doesn’t return to remind us of the things to do or to be early, never late. That day, I dread. When his tangible items: rings, books, watches, letters, are the only thing of him I can touch. When our family pictures all over our house is the only way to see him with my eyes. To truly know that we will never see, touch or hear him again. On that day. I know I will feel truly alone.